SCHOOL TALK: The Challenge of Disciplining in Today's Schools

The release of a video of NFL player Ray Rice knocking out his fiancée in the elevator of a casino was followed soon after by the indictment of running back Adrian Peterson for “reckless or negligent injury to a child”; in May he took a switch to his 4-year-old son.

It is difficult to fathom an NFL player weighing over 200 pounds beating a child who most likely cannot yet tie his own shoe­laces. As justification for this form of punishment, Peterson noted that he’d been “switched” as a child.

In recent decades, connections have been drawn between violence in adults and the discipline and punishment they received during childhood, both at home and at school.
Times have changed. Little boys in my second grade class were paddled as they crawled down the aisles between rows of desks picking up the spitballs they had shot from straws during class. In the course of conversations about Peterson, middle-aged men recalled being whacked on the hand with a ruler by their teachers. Corporal punishment wasn’t unusual back then, particularly for boys.

Were the parents of those children outraged? Many probably told their children that they deserved the punishment. Some may have punished them again­.

Laws against corporal punishment have transformed the atmosphere in schools so that a teacher who hits a child is considered mentally unstable and criminal. A parent who is reported to law enforcement for hitting a child with a belt or a branch may be prosecuted, as in the case of Peterson.

In schools today, a child who does something wrong has made “a bad choice,” and forgiveness is inherent in the system, as in “I know you will make a better choice next time.” The De­partment of Education’s discipline code “seeks concurrent accountability and behavioral change.”

In his brilliant writing about kids with behavioral challenges (“The Explosive Child” and “Lost at School”), Ross W. Greene has given us the catchphrase—“If they could, they would.” What he says is that all children want to behave, none want to get in trouble, but not all have the skills to manage their behavior.

The challenge for schools and parents is to figure out the lagging skills and remedy them. This form of discipline demands time, patience, and continual communication between home and school. When school personnel call parents to report that their child has spent lunch and recess in the office for doing something wrong, they explain what happened, relate the conversations they had with the child, and encourage further discussion at home.
They also ask that parents not punish the child at home. Some students cry, upset by possible repercussions from pa­r­ents—loss of “screen time” now being a common punishment. And some kids cry and beg that their parents not be notified, because they fear what may happen when they get home.

According to the Department of Edu­cation, “progressive discipline does not seek punishment.” We want children to understand what they did wrong and think about what they could do differently next time. We want them to learn from their mistakes. This involves asking questions and probing deeply.

Often, the “victim” provoked a fight, and the child who initially appears to be the guilty one had a legitimate gripe that he or she could not articulate. Again, it takes time and commitment to teach children to take responsibility for their actions and change their behavior.

Recently, someone I know saw a parent yelling at a young child on the street. The child stood stony-faced and silent. There was no physical abuse, but my friend wondered what would happen at home later on, out of public view.

I wonder, too, how that girl will discipline her own child. Will she vow never to be abusive because she knows how terrified and humiliated it made her feel? Or will she try to correct her child’s behavior in the same way? The same question can be asked about children who are physically abused.

With the Rice video and the Peterson indictment, people are talking about the increasing violence in our society. School is the place to teach the next generation that one of the very first lessons they learn—“Use your words, not your hands”—is a lifelong promise.

Connie Schraft is the parent coordinator at P.S. 89. For questions and comments, write to her at connie@tribecatrib.com.